Friday, August 13, 2010

Letting Go

Yesterday I decided that I was letting go......
Letting go of guilt from staying home and not contributing to the household income
Letting go of worry that my kids were somehow not having a great first day of school
Letting go of worry that my 11 year old wouldn't be able to find his seven classes during the day
Letting go of the hate I feel for myself sometimes because I wear the same size that the average American woman wears and not a size 6 like a lot of 20-something new mom bloggers talk about wearing..ugh
Letting go of the guilt that I'm not cleaning the house and instead laying outside enjoying the sunshine and pool.

I noticed something yesterday....I really had no worries the entire day.  I tried to think of something to worry about and had nothing. My sons have grown into confident, independent little guys and they weren't worried at all about the first day of school so, in turn, I didn't worry. 

Sometimes I wonder if I just can't process stress like some people.  When I work, I feel horrible that I'm not the perfect June Cleaver stay-at-home mom.  When I stay at home, I let myself panic that I'm not bringing in my own income and I wouldn't be able to support myself if my husband was no longer around.  Why do I do that?  It's really the biggest waste of energy.  I'm going to just enjoy where I am right now.  I'm going to enjoy sitting at home, taking care of the boys and my house.  I'm casually looking for a part-time job but I actually believe that being a Mom is a full time job.

I've decided I'm going to try to take better care of myself.  I'm at home and able to cook myself a healthy lunch.  Yesterday, I cooked curried cauliflower. 

One head of cauliflower
1/2 onion, sliced
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp curry powder
1/2 cup of water
Cover and let steam until the cauliflower is just fork tender but still a little crisp

It's so healthy and lowfat but with a ton of flavor.  I loved it and it made me feel good, not guilty as if I had eaten a McDonald's meal.  I have time to fix a salad and I'm going to do that instead of getting out of the house and grabbing fast food.

The best part of my day was being able to wait on the porch with Allie the White Boxer for the boys to come home from the bus stop.

Typical brothers - everything becomes a competition...even getting to Momma first!  Look at those faces!  Think they had a fun first day of school?!
Allie was so happy the boys were home.  She was lonely all day without them.

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